


Always fighting (On hold)

by Mind_Over_Matter



Category: teen wolf - Fandom
Genre: Is on hold until further notice, M/M, Stiles Has Nightmares, Stiles has many metal illnesses, stiles has anxiety, stiles has depression, stiles is a self harmer, stiles is anorexic, stiles is suicidal, talk of stiles being raped
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-12 13:12:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12959940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mind_Over_Matter/pseuds/Mind_Over_Matter
Summary: Stiles is tired, tired of always having to be around pain, misery, loss.He couldn't take it anymore, a world full of the supernatural didn't have room for humans to be happy.Against all the supernaturals that have come into Beacon Hills, the pale skinny defenseless human named Stiles has had to find a way to help.His tired of being the one with all the plans cause when those plans don't work it's his fault. He becomes responsible for there deaths.Will someone be able to save Stiles before it's to late? Or will the demons win?Trigger warning ⚠️!Self harm ⚠️️!Suicide⚠️️!Talk about rape ⚠️️!You have been warned





	1. Chapter 1

I can't take this anymore, it hurts and no one ever understands, I'm just so tired. 

I'm not like them, I'm not supernatural, I'm just a pale, skinny, defenseless human, that's all I'll ever be.

I can't take this, having to deal with all this death, pain and loss, I can't take it anymore. 

I'm done. 

Text from Scott: 

‘Stiles, where are you? The pack meeting was supposed to start five minutes ago, we're all here expect you! Hurry up and get your ass to Derek's loft!’

Of course they need me why can't I just get a day to myself! 

I'm human what am I going to do against supernatural. 

They don't get it! 

I'm just so tired. 

I think as I down the bottle of sleeping pills with alcohol, just as a extra precaution I pull up my sleeve and stare at all my self harm scars, then I take my blade and slit my wrists. 

I'm just so tired. I think as I slip into unconsciousness. 

Scott's POV 

 

To Stiles: 

Stiles, where are you? The pack meeting was supposed to start five minutes ago, we're all here expect you! Hurry up and get your ass to Derek's loft!

I look up and stare at the rest of the pack, then I look back down, 

"I just sent it." I mumble while looking at my phone.

Something doesn't feel right, Stiles is normally the first one at a pack meeting. 

By the look in Derek's eyes I can tell his thinking something similar. 

"Guys..." we look at Lydia as she trails off, she licks her lips and then takes a deep breath," I think something's wrong, like really wrong." 

I stand up not being able to sit here any longer if Lydia thinks something's wrong then something's wrong, Derek and the rest of the pack follow me without a word. 

After we all arrived at Stiles house all the werewolves turn to look at each other, 

"Ummm, is it just me or do you guys smell the blood to."  Isaac states, Derek is the first one to move towards the house after that we all follow him.

When we get up stairs to Stiles' room it was like all of our worlds shattered.

 

Stiles' POV 

"Stiles? Stiles hunny can you hear me?" 

Who the hell is that, I slowly open my eyes and quickly shut them due to the bright lights. I slowly opened them again and was met with the sight of Melissa smiling softly at my, I smiled back, a fake smile of course but you'd never know.

"Stiles do you know where you are?" I looked around and realized I as in a hospital room, the pack were all sitting all around the room, with Derek sitting right next to me on my left hand side and Scott on my right hand side. The only people in the room that weren't in the pack and didn't know about the supernatural was Melissa and my dad. 

"I'm in the hospital, what happened?" I kept the fake smile on my face but I was only looking at Melissa.

"Stiles... don't you remember what happened?" She asked softly like she was afraid I'd break if she said it any louder.

I tried to remember what happened and as it came back to me, the smile instantly was of my face.

"Get out" I whispered squeezing my eyes shut, I couldn't look them in the eye this was supposed to work.

Why didn't it work?

"Stiles, I don't think that's a good idea right now" Melissa tried again 

"Get out! Get out! GET OUT!" I continued to stay until I was screaming but none of them left they just stayed and watched as my dad pulled me into a hug, mumbling that it'll be okay.

"NOTHINGS EVER OKAY! WHY DIDN'T IT WORK! WHY! WHY! WHY! WHY! WHY!" By the end I was just a sobbing mess. 

"I know, i know Stiles, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere" my dad tried to calm me down, but it wasn't working. 

"I don't want you here the only thing I want is to be dead, why can't I just be dead" I mumbled through my sobbing but I knew they all heard it, cause they all started to cry harder, even Derek the sourwolf had a few tears running down his face. 

"I just want to be dead" I said softly as I fell asleep. 

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When I woke up the only person in the room was Derek, he was still sitting in the same place as before almost like he refused to leave the seat.

"Are you Alright?" He asked softly, his voice filled with an emotion that I didn't recognize 

"I haven't felt alright for a really long time." I replied with an emotionless voice.

For a long time it was silent, with him just looking at me and with me just looking at the ceiling blankly, 

"You know it's alright not to be alright, we all have our ups and downs, but your strong you can get through this, okay?" Derek broke the silence, I glanced at him face and eyes still blank.

"I don't want to be alright I want to be dead, what's it going to take to just get you all to leave me alone, if I can't be dead at least let me be alone" I spoke emotionless, my voice dead of the usually fake happiness that I always tried to put into my voice to make me seem okay.

But I didn't want to pretend to be okay in the day just so I could go home and have my blade only knowing the truth. 

Derek pulled me into a hug, at first I was reluctant but finally hugged back, 

"It's okay to cry, I got you" he whispered when he realized that I was trying really hard not to cry, after he said that he had me it was like a dam broke loose and didn't seem like it was going to stop anytime soon. 

But for once I didn't try to be strong or try and seem okay, I just cried in Derek's arms, to tired emotionally, physically, mentally to care about anything anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The characters find out about stiles metal illnesses, stiles gets released from the hospital and feels overwhelmed being with the pack

Stiles POV

"Hey Stiles, in your medical records it says that you've been diagnosed with depression already I was wondering when was the last time you took your anti depressants?" The psychiatrist at the hospital asked me.

They had to get a evaluation on my mental health so they know what to do with me, like are they just going to up my meds or are they going to have to send me to a nuthouse.

Everyone in the pack (Scott, Allison,Lydia,Derek, Jackson, Liam, Isaac, Mason, Danny, Malia, Boyd, Adien and Ethan) looked at me in shock none of them knew I had already been diagnosed with depression. 

"Umm, I don't know about two weeks ago? Maybe I'm not really sure" I replied in a small weak voice, I hadn't spoken to anyone since after I woke up a week ago, but most of the time I was a sleep cause they had to sedate me. 

"Alright, Stiles what we're going to do is we are going to up the dosage of your meds, but I need to check what other meds your taking so that they don't  interfere with your other meds, okay so I'm going to list the meds I have on my sheet and I need you to tell me if you're still taking them, okay?" 

I nodded my head,

"Okay, so we have your anti anxiety pills,”

I nodded as to say, yes I’m still taking them, 

“Your sleeping pills,”

I nodded again,

“Your pills for panic disorder,”

Another nod,

“Anti depressants,”

Nod,

 

“Your ADHD pills, your PTSD pills,”

Another nod, 

“Your pills to help with your bone structure dew to your anorexia,”

A shameful nod,

“And lastly your pills for your Insomnia, I think that's it did I miss anything?" 

"Nope I think you got them all." I chuckle humorously, " wow I'm really messed up, aren't I doc?" I sigh and put my head down.

"Well Stiles I'm not going to lie to you they only time I've ever seen anyone needing this much medicine is from when they came back from the war." 

Yip I'm really messed up, I'm only seventeen and I have the same amount of medication a war veteran would need, yip I'm definitely a fuck up, why couldn't I just get killing my self right.

"When can I go home?" 

The doctor looked hesitant before telling me that they get my discharge papers then I can go home, I look up and notice everyone looking at me sympathetically, uhh I hate sympathy I just roll my eyes at them and turn on my side so I don't have to see any of their faces.

Later after I was discharged dad told me that he had to go back to work so I would be staying over at Derek's for the night, well my life just got worse.

I mean can't dad see that Derek hates me, always has always will.

After me and the pack arrived at Derek's loft, all of the boys went to play video games nine boys playing video games yip I don't see how that can go wrong the only one that isn't playing would be Derek he's just kinda watching me.

The girls, I just realized that theirs only three of them, anyways the girl wanted to make dinner and cause then they get to choose what movie that the pack will watch later.

Me, well I'm just kinda standing by the door, I really don't feel like I belong here I mean everyone is supernatural, Mason accidentally got changed and well when Ethan and Adien were alphas Ethan made Danny into a werewolf cause there mates and Danny wanted to be.

"Stiles? Are you just going to stand there?" Derek asked I looked up and saw everyone looking at me, I started to get anxious with all there eyes on me.

I felt like I was having a panic attack, I made a move to back out the door because I need fresh air, but I stumbled and fell to the floor.

"Stiles?!" I heard everyone shriek but I couldn't do anything, I couldn't breathe.

I felt someone's arms wrap around me before I fell into the dark abyss...with someone above me screaming 

"STILES!!!!"

 

 

Stiles POV

 

I blinked at the sudden brightness creeping in through the darkness,I groaned and suddenly I saw shadows of heads, three to be exact, blocking the light, I blink in an attempt to see more clearly and when I could I saw that those three heads belonged to Lydia, Scott and Isaac all looking at me with concern shining in their eyes.

I sat up and only then noticed I was on the couch that was in the middle of room facing the tv that Derek had been forced to get with how much time the pack spent here, his tv was mainly just for video games seeing as how Derek didn't watch tv and the only time anyone watched tv on it was when we had pack nights.

Pack nights were when the whole pack would come over to Derek's place and we'd watch a movie or play cards or video games and just spent the night as a pack, we'd then sleep over at Derek's cause most of the time people fell asleep.

"Stiles, are you okay?" Lydia asked me, I looked up at her and bit my lip, a thing I do when I'm thinking,

"I'm fine,Lyds, what happened?" 

"You had a panic attack, have you taken your meds yet?" Isaac asked me with a soft and gentle voice.

"No" I mumbled not really paying attention to any of them any more, "did you know what poplar bears fur is not actually white but clear?" I asked no one in particular, I didn't wait for an answer," well it's because their skin is black to get the heat from the sun cause you know it's so cold there, anyway their skin is black and because of the way the light relicts on their skin it appears white" 

Scott gave a chuckle and stood up mumbling something about my ADHD kicking in, while he was gone I just spoke about random things, 

"Thank fuck get him to shut up!" Jackson said as Scott reappeared holding my anxiety pills,panic pills, anti depressants, ADHD pills, PTSD pills,  
He gives me the bottles and a glass of water.

They all watch as I take to of each and lay them in the glass coffee table near me and close the bottles, just as I go to put the pill bottles down Adien speaks up,

"What are the PTSD pills for?" Everyone hums in agreement and looks at me I in turn instantly tense, mumbling a barely audible PTSD, with a tense shrug hoping they don't question it farther, but my prays are never answered as Boyd goes to question me, 

"Like what caused you to have PTSD? Was it all this stuff with the supernatural?" He asked in a soft but curious tone, Scott was about to open his mouth probably to tell them to leave me alone but I cut him off by answering a simple no, with a humorless chuckle, 

"No, I've had PTSD since I was six" I shrugged, all of them including Scott looked at me with a question in their eyes,

"Why didn't you tell me?" Scott asked with hurt and betrayal in his voice, 

I let out a humorless chuckle," 'Hi Scott, I'm insane, I have PTSD and no matter how many psychiatrist offices I spend my Monday afternoons in it doesn't seem to get any better and I can't even sleep at night without taking three sleeping pills and then when I do get to sleep I wake up screaming every two hours ' yeah because if that doesn't scream I'm crazy go running for the hills then I don't know what does" I say with a tearful chuckle, Scott's breath hitches and he looks like his about to cry, 

It's an awkward silence that soon gets broken by the door slamming open and then closed we all look behind us to see my worst nightmare,

"Stiles" he breaths out looking shocked before regaining that evil smirk that he always seems to wear.

"Miss me?" He asks mockingly, when my breath hitches his evil pervert smirk grows and I'm thrown back in time to the last time I saw him,

(Flash back) 

It's dark and cold but it's quicker to walk through the woods to get home, suddenly a twig snaps behind me I spin around only to be met with darkness, I slowly turn around again only to have a hand put over my mouth, 

"Shhhhh" I know that voice anywhere," shh stiles it's okay, it'll be okay" he whispered in my ear his hand that's not on my mouth shoves me to the ground, I try to fight back but I can't he's to strong, damn him and his werewolf strength.

His hand on my mouth pushes my head into the ground, he gets on top of me and puts his full weight on my lower thighs where he's siting his hand that's not on my mouth starts to move down my chest and over my stomach and finally it stops at my belt and slowly starts to take it off.

I am wriggling under him trying to get through, sobbing, begging him to stop, he never stopped...

After he was done he dressed me back up and left me there on the ground but not before kissing my cheek and saying thanks, I didn't move i had stopped struggling when he told me he'd kill my dad, Scott's mom and Scott if i told anyone. 

I laid there for and hour and a half  before I heard a twig snap and someone stumbled out the bushes, before I pasted out

(End of flash back)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talk about past sexual assault

Stiles POV 

 

I laid there for and hour and a half before I heard a twig snap and someone stumbled out the bushes, before I pasted out...

"What's wrong Stiles?" The monsters voice brings me back to the present, why he hell did he have to be here, I wish I had just killed myself! 

"P-pet-er?" I stuttered out a reply, unsure of how I was supposed to greet him, 

"What did you miss me? Maybe we could have a repeat of what happened last time I saw you?" Peter hale tormented me, I couldn't breathe, did the air just get thinner? Oh gosh, I'm having a panic attack aren't I? 

"Shut the hell up! Peter get out before I kill you!" A voice broke through the fog of panic

"Oh yeah? Well what the hell are you going to do about it Jackson?" Pater yelled he was ab- wait did he just say Jackson? Jacksons defending me? Why? 

Suddenly Jackson jumped up and tackled peter to the floor, throwing punch after punch at Peter, with a look of pure disgust and hatred on his face, 

"Now get the fuck out Peter, or I'm going to kill you!" Jackson stated calmly, 

"Whatever" Peter mumbles before getting up of the floor and shooting me one last look that says that he'll be back and I'm going to pay for this. 

That all it takes to send me into another panic attack.

It feels like I'm back in that forest with Peters hands all over me as he grunts and moans as he thrusts into me with no mercy, I can feel how it felt like he was ripping me apart, I can here how he's stating that I look beautiful with my face flushed with pain and blood trailing down my legs from his powerful never ending thrusts, I can here him as he tells me he's going to kill everyone I know starting with my dad, Scott and Melissa if I ever tell anyone, I can here my sobs and me begging him to stop, I can feel the tears running down my face as his thrusts get sloppy as he races to his orgasm, I can feel his hot seed filling me to the point that I think I'm going to explode with pain as it burns me, I can- 

"STILES! LISTEN TO MY VOICE! STILES CAN YOU HEAR ME LISTEN TO MY VOICE!" I hear Jackson voice breaking me from the never ending nightmare, I hear my loud sobbing that sounds like a dying walrus, I can hear the voices all around me but most of all I can feel Jacksons arms around me as he hugs me like it's he end of the world. 

And strangely enough I find great comfort being in his arms, like a brotherly love that I can't really explain, but am grateful for, I can't explain it but it feels good to be hugged and touched in a friendly way. 

"It's okay I got you" he mumbles over and over again into my hair right by my ear as I sob into his shoulder, gripping onto him like if I let go I'm going to be in that forest again with no way to ever get out. 

"Sorry" I mumble and pull back I stand up from the floor and look down at my shoes,"umm Derek is it cool if I crash in the guest bedroom?" I asked in an emotionless voice with my head down

"Umm sure, are you sure you're okay?" Derek asks sounding concerned, I nodded my head and mumbled an I'm sure just tired.

He leads me to the room and I get into the bed not bothering to change out of my clothes and just closing my eyes. 

I can still feel him staring at me from across the room, I slow my breathing down and calm my heart something I've gotten better at over the years so that no supernatural will be able to tell when I'm lying or panicking. 

He stands there for a few minutes before I hear him sigh and then his footsteps come closer to the bed before I feel his breath right above my forehead, his breath get closer and I can feel his weight hovering over me before his lips land in my forehead and he stays there with his lips on my forehead before he mumbles something against it that I can't hear before his lips leave my head a few seconds later and his weight is gone. 

I here him kneeling next to the bed before he grabs one of my arms and pulls up my sleeve, I try to focus on keeping my breathing calm and my body relaxed, soon I feel something soft on my wrist right above one of my cuts, it's almost like I can't feel it like he doesn't want to hurt me, it takes me a second to realize gat it's his lips on my arm, he continued to lay small delicate kisses on both my wrists. 

It takes al I have in me not to cry at how gentle he is being and at how loving the gesture seems, the silence is suddenly broken when I hear a sob break through Derek's mouth, I just lay there like I'm asleep no matter how much I just want to jump up and hug him and make him stop crying. 

Soon he's full out sobbing like the world has just ended, I don't get it, why is he so sad, he hates me doesn't he? Why am I getting so confused? Sure he had always confused me because no matter how much I will deny, I know that I could never hate him, because after knowing him since I was fourteen when Scott got bit, I have always had a thing for him. 

But he made it clear that he wants nothing to do with me since he would always threaten me, always push me around, always send me heated glares, hell the first time me and Scott found out that he was a werewolf Derek told Scott to get rid of me cause I was going to be more trouble then what I was worth and he was no is right.

I've always been more troubled then what I am worth. 

After ten minutes Derek gets his composure back he pulls down my sleeves and stands up, and he walks out the room with nothing more, after I hear the door close I open my eyes but make no move to get up like I was planing on doing, I just lie there and stare at the ceiling. 

After half an hour I hear the tv get turned on to a horror movie, knowing that nows the time I get up and grab my bag by the door, I go to the bathroom and close the door, then I go out the other door in the bathroom that leads to the hallway by the elevator, I go the the back door that leads to the stairs and go down them. 

Once I'm at the bottom and outside I get in my Jeep, that Mason had driven over here for me, and start the car I pull out the driveway and head to the place I know by heart. 

Once I turn off the car I take the keys and get out the car, I head down the walk way of the harbor once I'm at the end of the deck I sit down and stare at the water below me, there are lose bricks all over the place, all I'd have to do is either tie them to my shoes or put some in my pockets and whatnot and jump, I'd be free, they wouldn't find me for days if ever at all. 

But for now I just stare at the water thinking, suddenly I can feel someone sitting behind me, I turn my head and am surprised to see Jackson but I don't let the surprise show on my face, I keep my mask up and blank.

"I followed you after you went down the stairs, down worry the others don't know you're gone, well not yet anyway" he explains with a shrug, 

"What do you want?" I ask blankly 

"I was the one that found you you know" 

"What do you mean?" 

"In the woods" 

I just stared at him 

"I was the one that found you in the woods, I had just gotten to the woods about ten minutes before, I was planing on practicing my lacrosse, but then I heard sobbing, I followed the sound even though everything in me was telling me not to, I stumbled my way through the forest, I found you just lying on the floor as soon as I'd seen you m, you passed out.

"I run to you calling your name but got nothing in response, I freaked out, I didn't know what to do, I didn't know what had happened, I grabbed you and ran to my car, when I got to the hospital, the next town over cause it was closer, they asked me who you were and what had happened, I don't know what my but I just told them that I didn't know, I told them I didn't even know you name,

"After an hour and a half they came out of the room, they told me that there were signs of sexual assault and that you kept muttering no Peter stop please, in your sleep, I didn't know what to do, I knew who had done it and I didn't know what to think I didn't know what I was supposed to do. So I told them that I was sorry to hear it but I had no idea who you where and that I had to go. I ran and never looked back, I left Beacon hills for a week.

"When I came back you acted as if nothing had ever happened and Peter was no where to be found, but the pack was talking about needing to find him and make sure that he was okay so I knew you hadn't told them so I didn't either, I locked it away in my mind and never thought about it again, and I'm sorry" 

"I should have done something, anything, I should have made sure that you were okay, but like the scared little boy I am I didn't, I'm really sorry Stiles, but I'm going to make it up to you, I don't know how, but I am" 

I just stared at him before breaking down into sobs, I was shaking like a leaf and when I finally calmed down half and hour later, I looked at him and said,

"Let me vent to you, if you want to make it better let me Vent you you?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talk about stiles past

"Of course Stiles whatever you need!" 

"Do you want to know the reason for all the pills I take?" 

"Whatever you want to tell me, I'll be here to listen." 

"When I was six, I was in a car crash that killed my mom, we were on our way to visit my dad at the station because I'd always wanted to, my mom said no, but I begged and begged until she finally said yes, we were about half way there when suddenly a driver from the other side of the road swerved into our side of the road, the car flipped and we were air born, I remember the feeling of flying through the air, I remember hearing he windshield shatter before I felt it, but most of all I remember my moms scream,

"She was terrified, and all I could hear for a good two minutes where my moms screaming before it all stopped, we landed on the ground a couple of meters away from the road, I looked over at my mom and I started to cry, it was like it only just hit me as I started at her what had happened, the look in her eyes, it was like she knew she was going to die and was absolutely terrified and I remember the way she opened her mouth, she was about to say something but the only thing hat came out of her mouth was blood, 

"She died hanging in the car, which had landed upside down, just a few seconds after, I don't remember much after that but I just kept starring at her until I heard sirens and then it all went black, I woke up two weeks later, I had gone into a coma, and my mom had died, it turned out that the person driving the other car had, had a heart attack, he was dead before his car even hit us."

I took a deep breath feeling thankful that he didn't interrupt me, because I don't think I'll be able to continue if he did,

"A week after I woke up from my coma I was diagnosed with PTSD and Insomnia, ever time I closed my eyes I was back there in the car with my mom, so I just stoped sleeping but that didn't work for long, so they gave me sleeping pills and there were days where even the sleeping pills wouldn't help me go to sleep, even though I took sleeping pills I still had nightmares every night, 

"When I as seven I had my first Panic attack, it as there anniversary of my mothers death and I had a panic attack in the boys bathroom at school, I was rushed to the hospital and they kept me there for a week before they diagnosed with a panic disorder and I was prone to panic attacks at random time of the day and night,

"I was eight when I was diagnosed with ADHD, when I was nine when I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder, by the time I was ten it'd been four years since my mom had died and I started to self harm, I needed a release, I was constantly in pain, I didn't understand my emotional pain it didn't make any sense so I thought that if I had a way to explain the pain then I wouldn't be freaked out so much,

"It worked and I became addicted to cutting, I needed it like I needed air, cutting lend to self image issues and soon I was anorexic, I was disgusted by the very thought of food, because I thought I would never be good enough, and soon I was addicted to the feeling of being cold when everyone else was hot, I loved it, it made me feel like I could do something right,

"By the age of ten I was popping pills like they where candy with all my disorders and was addicted to cutting and being anorexic, it was what I lived for but when I turned 12 it didn't seem like enough anymore, 12!, I was freaking 12 the first time I ever tried to kill my self no one knew, not my dad not Scott, no one and I both loved that and hated it at the same time.

"Loved it because if I could try and kill myself without anyone knowing then it meant that I wouldn't be missed but I hated it for that exact same reason, am I really not important that no one would know that I was dead, I kept trying to kill myself and by they time I was 16 I had tried to kill myself 18 times,

"When I was sixteen..." I chocked on a sob, Jackson pulled me into his arms and held me for a good ten fifteen minutes before I got my composure back,I took a deep breath and began,

"When I was sixteen I was walking home from a pack meeting it was dark and cold but it was quicker to walk through the woods to get home, suddenly a twig snapped behind me and I spin around only to be met with darkness, I slowly turn around again only to have a hand put over my mouth, 

" 'Shhhhh' I knew that voice anywhere, 'shh stiles it's okay, it'll be okay' Peter whispered in my ear his hand that wasn't on my mouth shoved me to the ground, I tried to fight back but I couldn't he was to strong, I remember thinking damn him and his werewolf strength.

"His hand that was on my mouth pushed my head into the ground, he got on top of me and put his full weight on my lower thighs so he was siting on me, his hand that wasn't on my mouth started to move down my chest and over my stomach and finally it stoped at my belt and he slowly started to take it off.

"I wriggled under him trying to get away, sobbing, begging him to stop, he never stopped...

"He took of my belt and started to pull down my pants and briefs once they were of he started to rub me, I was begging him to stop to just leave me alone, he punched me across the face so hard that my head snapped to to side, 

"I was so out of it from the punch that I didn't know he had taken his pants of before he suddenly thrust into me, Peters hands were all over me as he grunted and moaned as he thrusted into me with no mercy, I can remember how it felt like he was ripping me  apart, I could here him saying that I look beautiful with my face flushed with pain and blood trailing down my legs from his powerful never ending thrusts, I could here him as he tells me he's going to kill everyone I know starting with my dad, Scott and Melissa if I ever tell anyone, I could here my sobs and me begging him to stop, I could feel the tears running down my face as his thrusts got sloppy as he races to his orgasm,"

Jackson hugged me and but then I heard a loud sob from behind me that had me freezing, I slowly turned around and saw the whole pack standing there, sobbing and starring at me wide eyes, I looked back at the water where I had been looking the whole time and continued talking,

"but worst thing about it all was when I could feel his hot seed filling me to the point that I thought I was going to explode with pain as it burned me, I remember how it felt like I had died, and I didn't want to ever live again if this is what happened when you lived. 

"After he was done he dressed me back up and left me there on the ground but not before kissing my cheek and saying thanks, I didn't move i had stopped struggling when he told me he'd kill my dad, Scott's mom and Scott if i told anyone. 

"I laid there for an hour and a half before I heard a twig snap and someone stumbled out the bushes, before I pasted out, when I woke up again I was in the hospital, they wanted to know my name and what had happened, but I asked for a glass of water when the nurse what was questioning me left to get me water I grabbed my stuff that was in the chair next to the bed and went into the bathroom and changed into my clothes and I ran.

"I was about half a mile from the hospital when I couldn't run anymore because I could still feel the pain, I felt like he was still inside of me, and it scared me, so I sat down on a bench and closed my eyes but as soon as I did I saw his eyes, 

"I sat there for about ten minutes before someone drove pasted and offered me a left she took me to my house, and I never spoke of what happened to anyone."

I took a deep breath when I felt like I was going to faint,  
"It began to feel like it was to much, I started cutting more, eating less, sleeping less, taking more pills then I should before two weeks ago when I just stopped taking the pills all together, and then two weeks later here we are." 

I sobbed into my hands and started to scream through my tears, 

"I JUST WANTED IT TO STOP! I WANTED ALL THE PAIN TO STOP! I HATE THE WAY I FEEL DIRTY EVERY TIME I LOOK IN THE GOD DAMN MIRROR! I HATE THE WAY I HATE MYSELF! I HATE THAT I WISH I WAS DEAD! I HATE MYSELF! WHY COULDN'T I HAVE JUST DIED!? WHY!? WHY?!" I screamed, someone tried to grab me but I just screamed and screamed and screamed, 

"STILES!" Was the last thing I heard because the ice cold water surrounded me.


	5. Chapter 5

Derek's POV 

He sobbed into his hands and started to scream through his tears, 

"I JUST WANTED IT TO STOP! I WANTED ALL THE PAIN TO STOP! I HATE THE WAY I FEEL DIRTY EVERY TIME I LOOK IN THE GOD DAMN MIRROR! I HATE THE WAY I HATE MYSELF! I HATE THAT I WISH I WAS DEAD! I HATE MYSELF! WHY COULDN'T I HAVE JUST DIED!? WHY!? WHY?!" He screamed, Scott tried to grab him in an attempt to comfort him but he just screamed and screamed and screamed, 

Suddenly he was a lot closer to the water then I remember him being I just had time to scream, "STILES!" Before he went toppling into the water, without wasting a second thought I jumped in after him. 

The water was ice cold, it was so bad that even me a werewolf was starting to freeze, but that just gave me even more determination to get stiles out of the waster. 

I grab a hold of him and swim to the surface, once we break the surface of the water I drag Stiles onto the deck, I checked over Stiles to see if he's okay only to see that he's unconscious and isn't breathing. 

I instantly start doing CPR, feeling thankful to my deceased mother for making me take lessons, in case something ever happened, Stiles is suddenly on his side and throwing up water. 

After emptying his lungs out of all the water, his arms give out from under him and he drops like dead weight, I quickly pull him into my arms and cradled him into my chest, I didn't care that the others where watching, Stiles was my main priority. 

"Der?" Stiles mumbled sliding in and out of consciousness, I hummed softly to him to let him know that I was here, "Der, don't leave me." Was the last thing he said before falling fully unconscious.

I carefully pick him up and walk quickly to his jeep knowing that if we just left it here he'd kill us, once I laid him down in the passenger seat and put the seat belt on him, I softly closed his door. 

My eyes instantly went their Alpha red color, which I got back after I gained the ability to transform into a full wolf, my teeth and nails grew, I turned to face the pack and they all flinched at the deep scowl I had on my face as well as the deathly glare.

"Get to my loft!" I ordered before getting into Stiles Jeep on the drivers side, as I was driving I kept glancing at Stiles from the corner of my eyes, always making sure he's okay. 

Once we reached the loft I told them to wait for me in the lounge, I went to my room and gently laid Stiles down, before sighing and making my way to the rest of the pack.

"How much did you guys hear?" Jackson asked not making eyes contact with anyone, before he had a chance to even more I had him pinned against the wall by his throat, 

"You knew and you kept it a secret!" I stated calmly, fear passed through his eyes but I didn't care anymore, my Stiles was hurt and he didn't do anything! 

"I was scared and confused! I didn't understand anything!" Jackson whimpered before breaking out into full out sobs shocking us all. 

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He chanted over and over again, I dropped him and made my way to one of the seats,

"So what now?" Lydia whispers, I don't know, I never knew, Stiles was always the smart one, I didn't even know about all of this that was happening, I'm a freaking werewolf how couldn't have I noticed! 

"We kill him" I spoke in a calm voice, 

"Kill? You want to kill Stiles?!" Kira yelled, I instantly growled at her and hissed a shut up, 

"If you wake him up, if anyone of you wake him up so god help me I will kill you," I threatened, "And no we are not going to kill Stiles, we're going to kill Peter" 

"How in fucks name did I not know any of this?" Scott questioned himself, "I'm his best friend for gods sake! I didn't even know that Stiles was in the car as his mom." 

Scott goes to say something else but is interrupted when a scream breaks through the loft, and it's a scream I've heard so much these last few days that it's like I have it committed to memory, we all immediately run to my room but they stay outside knowing better then to enter their Alphas room.

"NO! NO DON'T TOUCH ME! HELP SOMEONE HELP ME! PLEASE PETER GET OF ME! PLEASE DON'T DO THIS PETER PLEASE! IM BEGGING YOU PLEASE JUST LET ME GO!" Stiles voice breaks and tears stream down his face as he keeps begging Peter to leave him alone, to stop.

"Shh, shh Stiles it's okay, you're okay" I tried to comfort him , he suddenly bolts upright and runs to he bathroom, and I quickly follow him and I find him over the toilet throwing up, I sit down behind him and rub his back comfortingly. 

He soon starts to fall asleep again so I pick him up and place him in my bed again just turn to walk away his voice stops me, " stay please just until I fall asleep, I'm scared" he attempts shyly, I nod my head and climb into the bed with him.

I instantly wrap my arms around him without thinking, it's not until he completely stiffens to I realize that this probably is a horrible idea, I mean he's probably terrified of all werewolf's holding him down, 

"Sorry" I mumbled and removed my arms, "put them back please" stiles whispers I nod and do as he asked, once he has fallen asleep I step out of the bed already missing the feeling of having stiles in my arms.

"Derek" Isaac mumbles, i know where he's going with this, how he doesn't want us to use violence and what not, 

"I don't care what any of you think, I'm going to kill Peter, he hurt my mate and no one ever get away with hurting my mate." I stated before any of them could object or even process what I had said I started to talk again, " I'm going to sleep I suggest you do so to" 

With that I walked back into my room, I laid down next to Stiles again and wrapped my arms around him, I kissed the back of his temple because I couldn't get to his forehead and mumbles against his skin before falling asleep,

"I love you, Stiles"


End file.
